Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mothers Day

If someone had told me on my fourteenth birthday that in four years time I would be celebrating mother's day with my own daughter I would have thought they were totally crazy.
At thirteen and 11 months I hadn't even kissed a boy let alone anything else. I was quiet and studious. I was also pretty darn sure that no boy had any kind of attraction towards me.
Three days after I celebrated turning fourteen I met him.

My mother died when I was six. My father raised my two brothers and myself, alone. My father changed after my mother died, he rarely laughed and we never recieved much demonstrative love. However he had great hopes that I would go far in life. My brothers are both over six years older than me, so by the time I reached middle school it became clear that they were not going to be going to any Ivy leage college. My father placed all that ambition on my shoulders and that was what I was striving for, to please myself but mostly for him.

When he first came up to me in school, as I stood outside my locker, I thought he must be playing some terrible prank. I imaging my face was strawberry red as he backed me into my locker and asked if I would like to go out to the movies with him. He was a senior. I was a freshman.
He was the most popular boy in school. I was NOT the most popular girl.
He was gorgeous. I didn't think I was.

It was not a prank, the follwing friday he picked me up in his bright red truck and we went to the movies and afterward we went to a diner and he bought me a milkshake. Later we went back to his truck and he kissed me, then drove me home.

It didn't take long for me to fall in love with him, he gave me the love and attention I craved. He told me I was beautiful.
It didn't take long for me to be persuaded into doing things.

Three months after we had gone on our first date I found out I was pregnant.
I told him. He told everyone.
I thought he had loved me. He had just used me.

He told the whole school, he seemed impressed that he had done it almost like that it had been some challenge. Get the geeky freshman knocked up.
My father found out, I come from a small town. Once the High School knows everybody knows.

My father made me a deal, I could stay in the house until the baby was born then I had to leave.

Four years later I am celebrating mothers day with a person so perfect she sometimes takes my breath away. Don't get me wrong it has been hard and it will continue to be hard. But thats life.
And my life I get to share with Bella, I wouldnt have changed it for the world.

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